I've been writing and researching BDSM for a couple of years now. Thanks to all this I've discovered I'm very dominant.
I wasn't always happy with that. Like the narrator in my story Discovery I was afraid that allowing that facet of me to the surface would make me like the people I grew up hating; bullies, irresponsible authority figures and that sort of person. And there's still a bit of that 'BDSM is sick' idea still inside me.
But I'm even less happy at hiding the person I really am. And when I'm writing BDSM I really enjoy it.
So, next month I'm going to a play party. I'm hoping to let out my dominant side with people who can support me as I start down this new path.
I bought some equipment a few months ago; a blindfold, a flogger and some really serious nipple clamps. Before I go to the party I'm getting a proper crop and some good cuffs. I need a back T-shirt as well.
This should be interesting.
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7 comments:
Why do I have a feeling Lisa is going to be *all* over this? ;) (And I mean that in a good way.)
Seriously--and I know very little of the BDSM lifestyle--what I've seen of you online, there's no way that going down this path is going to cause you to become the type of people you grew up hating. This journey into BDSM and your dominant side... it's just a part of you. If that makes sense. There's so much more that makes up *you* than exploring your dominant side, so I wouldn't worry. :)
Most importantly: HAVE FUN! :)
Thanks stephanie. :)
We are who we are-it's all about accepting that, and accepting being a Dom can be a difficult process. How can we want to hurt people? But in the end, the sadism is a very small part (although it can be wicked fun!), because being a Dom means you are responsible for meeting the needs of the bottom: physically, emotionally, mentally. You have a duty to the bottom, and I know you will be one of those who take it seriously. You won't be one of the wanna-be's who are just in it for the power trip. From what I know of you, I feel that you are a true Dom, someone who is born to it-it's an intrinsic part of your personality. That's not a bad thing! In fact, if you are someone who can do some true self-exploration, you can use your role as a Dom to channel negative energy into something more positive in a way which can work very well for you and whoever you play with.
I also know that going seriously into this lifestyle can open a way into very intense committed relationships that many of us find difficult to get to any other way, and I get the feeling you need that in your life.
I am so happy you're on your way to fulfilling your needs and desires. Let me know if you need to talk!
I'd also recommend a few books which may help you through this transition:
The Loving Dominant
The New Bottoming Book
The New Topping Book
S/M 101
Screw the Roses
You may have read some of these before, but they are well worth another look. :) They are all available through Amazon or through Greenery Press.
Oh, what else...? If you're buying cuffs, some are better than others. Get the sturdy leather ones with a rolled edge and either padding or fur. You'll also want some quick-release clips which you can get at any hardware store-get a few different sizes. For nipple clamps, I'd recommend the screw clamps, because unless you play an experienced bottom, you'll need 'trainers'. A variety of floggers and other toys is good, but if money is an issue, I'd start with a soft deer-hide flogger and a small leather slapper. Also, make pervertibles! A small kitchen scrubby brush is lovely for all sorts of things, a bit of rabbit fur...I think the Bottoming Book has some good ideas.
If you can, find a mentor-that's the best thing you can do.
I hope you'll let me know how the party goes!
Thanks Eden. :)
And thanks for the excellent advice.
While I'm not personally into the BDSM lifestyle, I've known Gods-know-how-many people who are. Many of these were perfectly reasonable--even gentle--people who were good to know. You're a person with considerable character and ethical strength and I think you'll do fine. Enjoy yourself, be safe, and always always always believe what your tummy is telling you.
Thanks John.
You are going to be a very good Dominant to someone one day. When you find "her". The right one. The one that makes you realize that you just "fit"
You are kind, caring, passionate. She will be the lucky one to know you and to submit to you.
Don't give up hope.
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