The Romantic Heretic

Tsk

2009-05-09T11:12:00.000-04:00

I got out of the habit of posting here again. My bad.

First, I'll post a song. This one keeps popping up in my mind today.

Gotta love those domestic felines.

And of course, I'll talk about Breaking The Covenants.

It's out! And doing great. :) It's now available on Amazon, which I think is way cool.

Don't forget to check out the website. It will tell you all about the world Celina Summers and I have created.

It's out!

2009-05-01T11:02:00.002-04:00

Breaking The Covenants is now available from Aspen Mountain Press.

Written by the lovely Celina Summers and myself it's the first book in The Vampire Covenants Trilogy.

It's been a blast to write. Get a copy. You won't be disappointed.

Well, damn.

2009-04-24T08:43:00.003-04:00

For those of you who have been waiting, Breaking The Covenants has been delayed. I'm bummed about that but it can't be helped. Nobody's fault, just life getting in the way.

But it will be available soon. In the meantime you can drool over the cover again.

And the website can keep your appetite whetted as well.

__________

Which brings us to today's song. It's meant for someone special.

If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
I'd buy you a house
(I would buy you a house)
If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
I'd buy you furniture for your house
(Maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman)
And if I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you a K-Car
(A nice Reliant automobile)
If I had a million dollars I'd buy your love

If I had a million dollars
I'd build a tree fort in our yard
If I had million dollars
You could help, it wouldn't be that hard
If I had million dollars
Maybe we could put like a little tiny fridge in there somewhere
You know, we could just go up there and hang out
Like open the fridge and stuff
There would already be laid out foods for us
Like little pre-wrapped sausages and things

They have pre-wrapped sausages but they don't have pre-wrapped bacon
Well, can you blame 'em
Uh, yeah

If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you a fur coat
(But not a real fur coat that's cruel)
And if I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you an exotic pet
(Yep, like a llama or an emu)
And if I had a million dollars
(If I had a a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you John Merrick's remains
(Ooh, all them crazy elephant bones)
And If I had a million dollars I'd buy your love

Have a great day, every one.
If I had a million dollars
We wouldn't have to walk to the store
If I had a million dollars
Now, we'd take a limousine 'cause it costs more
If I had a million dollars
We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner
But we would eat Kraft Dinner
Of course we would, we’d just eat more
And buy really expensive ketchups with it
That’s right, all the fanciest ke... dijon ketchups!
Mmmmmm, Mmmm-Hmmm

If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you a green dress
(But not a real green dress, that's cruel)
And if I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you some art
(A Picasso or a Garfunkel)
If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you a monkey
(Haven't you always wanted a monkey)

If I had a million dollars
I’d buy your love

If I had a million dollars, If I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars, If I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars
I'd be rich

Today's song

2009-04-21T10:58:00.002-04:00

Here's an old, obscure favorite of mine. A lovely piece of a cappella work.

Looking from a window above
It's like a story of love
Can you hear me
Came back only yesterday
We're moving farther away
Want you near me

All I needed was the love you gave
All I needed for another day
And all I ever knew
Only you

Sometimes when I think of your name
When it's only a game
And I need you
Listen to the words that you say
It's getting harder to stay
When I see you

All I needed was the love you gave
All I needed for another day
And all I ever knew
Only you

All I needed was the love you gave
All I needed for another day
And all I ever knew
Only you

All I needed was the love you gave
All I needed for another day
And all I ever knew
Only you

This is gonna take a long time
And I wonder what's mine
Can't take no more
Wonder if you'll understand
It's just the touch of your hand
Behind the closed door

All I needed was the love you gave
All I needed for another day
And all I ever knew
Only you

__________

And of course, I'll do some promotion while I'm here.

In just a couple of days Breaking The Covenants will be released. The first book of The Vampire Covenants Trilogy and co-written with the lovely Celina Summers It's one helluva good read and you should buy a copy.

The cover is beautiful and we're very pleased with it.

And make sure to check out the website to learn all about the world of The Vampire Covenants.

Today's song

2009-04-19T09:40:00.002-04:00

Because it speaks the truth of my life these days. Doesn't it, angel?

No embedding allowed so you'll have to click here.

Oh, Oh, Oh
For the longest time
Oh, Oh, Oh
For the longest time

If you said goodbye to me tonight
There would still be music left to write
What else could I do, I'm so inspired by you
That hasn't happened for the longest time

Once I thought my innocence was gone
Now I know that happiness goes on
That's when you found me, when you put your arms around me
I haven't been there for the longest time

Oh, Oh, Oh
For the longest time
Oh, Oh, Oh
For the longest time

I'm that voice you're hearing in the hall
And the greatest miracle of all
Is how I need you, and how you needed me too
That hasn't happened in the longest time

Maybe this won't last very long
But you feel so right
And I could be wrong
Maybe I've been holding too hard
But I've gone this far
And it's more than I'd hoped for

Who knows how much further we'll go on
Maybe I'll be sorry when you're gone
I'll take my chances, I forgot how nice romance is
I haven't been there for the longest time

I had second thoughts at the start
I said to myself, hold on to your heart
Now I know the woman that you are
You're wonderful so far
And you're more than I'd hoped for

I don't care what consequence it brings
I have been a fool for lesser things
I want you so bad, I think you ought to know that
I intend to hold you for the longest time

__________

I'll do some promo later.

Because I'm in a silly mood

2009-04-18T08:45:00.002-04:00

I'm going to post a film from a game I love to play. Warning! There are zombies in it. And Michael Jackson spoofs.

Plus you may laugh your guts out.

__________

Now that the silliness is out of the way it's time to promote.

This coming Friday, April 24th, the first book of The Vampire Covenants Trilogy, Breaking The Covenants will be released. It's a great read and you'll enjoy it a lot.

The cover alone is worth the price.

Check out the website my co-author, Celina Summers, and I created for the series. It will tell you all about the world we've created.

I found this rather sad

2009-04-17T11:19:00.002-04:00

Over at a forum I hang at someone posted this little story.

__________

A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that thousand of people went through the station, most of them on their way to work . Three minutes went by and a middle aged man noticed there was musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried up to meet his schedule. A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping continued to walk . A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late for work. The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tagged him along, hurried but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.

In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written with a violin worth 3.5 million dollars. Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston and the seats average $100. This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of an social experiment about perception, taste and priorities of people. The outlines were: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour: Do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected context?

One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be: If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing?

__________

There was a video on YouTube.

I found this rather sad. Are we so busy? Are we so wrapped up in our lives that we can't see beauty and passion anymore?

Sigh. I worry about people sometimes.

Today's song

2009-04-17T09:37:00.002-04:00

I mentioned this, one of my favorite songs, while talking with my angel on the phone last night. She's never heard it so I'm posting it today.

It's very bittersweet, and some of the language isn't child safe, but it's still beautiful.

It was Christmas Eve babe
In the drunk tank
An old man said to me, "won't see another one"
And then he sang a song
The Rare Old Mountain Dew
I turned my face away
And dreamed about you
Got on a lucky one
Came in eighteen to one
I've got a feeling
This year's for me and you
So Happy Christmas
I love you baby
I can see a better time
When all our dreams come true

They've got cars big as bars
They've got rivers of gold
But the wind goes right through you
It's no place for the old
When he first took my hand
On a cold Christmas Eve
You promised me
Broadway was waiting for me
You were handsome
You were pretty
Queen of New York City
When the band finished playing
They howled out for more
Sinatra was swinging,
All the drunks they were singing
We kissed on a corner
Then danced through the night

The boys of the NYPD choir
Were singing Galway Bay
And the bells were ringing out
For Christmas day

You're a bum
You're a punk
You're an old slut on junk
Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed
You scumbag, you maggot
You cheap lousy faggot
Happy Christmas your arse
And thank God it's our last

The boys of the NYPD choir
Still singing Galway Bay
And the bells were ringing out
For Christmas day

I could have been someone
Well so could anyone
You took my dreams from me
When I first found you
I kept them with me babe
I put them with my own
Can't make it all alone
I've built my dreams around you

The boys of the NYPD choir
Still singing Galway Bay
And the bells are ringing out
For Christmas Day

__________

And here comes the promo.

In just one week Breaking The Covenants will be released!

Check out the website to find out all the information about the world of The Vampire Covenants.

More promotion

2009-04-16T09:41:00.002-04:00

No song today for some reason.

But I will promote my next e-book, Breaking The Covenants, the first book in The Vampire Covenants Trilogy co-written with the lovely Celina Summers.

Here's the blurb for it.

__________

The German vampire Gunther von Wittersheim has a problem: he’s fallen in love with a mortal woman, Lady Marguerite Giffard, and his greatest immortal enemy, the French Comte Alphonse de Brunel, knows about it. When de Brunel captures Marguerite and turns her into a vampire, Gunther must put aside his desire for revenge and help his beloved through the painful transition to immortality.

Vampires are bound by the Covenants, a code of law enforced by the mysterious Conclave of Elders. If Gunther kills his enemy, the Conclave will destroy him. The couple is ordered by the powerful Elder of Paris, the Benedictine monk Calmet, to bring de Brunel alive to the Conclave to answer for his crimes. Gunther and Marguerite pursue their foe to St. Petersburg, where they are caught up in a revolution that pits vampire against vampire. Can they find a way to capture Alphonse de Brunel before the violence in Russia erupts? Or will they and their love fall prey to the breaking of the Covenants?

__________

The cover for it is gorgeous.

And don't forget to check out the website we've created. It will give you all the background on the world of The Vampire Covenants.

Today's song

2009-04-15T10:49:00.004-04:00

This song has been in my head all morning. There's a good reason for it and she knows who she is.

There are places I'll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
In my life I love you more

__________

And, of course, I'll take this opportunity to promote Breaking The Covenants, co written with the lovely Celina Summers. The first book of The Vampire Covenants Trilogy it will be released next Friday, April 24th.

Check out the website we've created. It will fill you in on all the details of the world we've created.

More promotion

2009-04-14T14:59:00.002-04:00

No song today. For some reason there's no earworm running through my mind.

But I will promote Breaking The Covenants. Of course.

It will be available next Friday, April 24th.

Check out the website for all the information you need about it.

Today's song

2009-04-13T12:57:00.002-04:00

I had a lovely time yesterday at my family's for Easter dinner. Ate, drank, talked, amused the semi-domesticated house apes. A nice, domestic interlude.

But for some reason this song has been going through my head. It's beautiful and so romantic. I guess it reflects the way I'm feeling about a certain someone. She knows who I'm talking about.

There's no time for us
There's no place for us
What is this thing that builds our dreams, yet slips away from us

Who wants to live forever
Who wants to live forever . . . . . ?
Oh ooo oh
There's no chance for us
It's all decided for us
This world has only one sweet moment set aside for us

Who wants to live forever
Who wants to live forever
Ooh
Who dares to love forever
Oh oo woh, when love must die

But touch my tears with your lips
Touch my world with your fingertips
And we can have forever
And we can love forever
Forever is our today

Who wants to live forever
Who wants to live forever
Forever is our today

__________

And, of course, don't forget that Breaking The Covenants, the first book of The Vampire Covenants Trilogy, co-written with the lovely Celina Summers will be available next Friday, April 24th.

Check out the website for all the details.

Today's song

2009-04-12T07:35:00.002-04:00

This song was picked for me today. I was in my local donut shop buying a coffee when it came on the music system there.

Listen as the wind blows
From across the great divide
Voices trapped in yearning
Memories trapped in time
The night is my companion
And solitude my guide
Would I spend forever here
And not be satisfied?

And I would be the one
To hold you down
Kiss you so hard
I'll take your breath away
And after I
Wipe away the tears
Just close your eyes dear

Through this world I've stumbled
So many times betrayed
Trying to find an honest word to find
The truth enslaved
Oh you speak to me in riddles and
You speak to me in rhymes
My body aches to breathe your breath
Your words keep me alive

And I would be the one
To hold you down
Kiss you so hard
I'll take your breath away
And after I
Wipe away the tears
Just close your eyes dear

Into this night I wander
It's morning that I dread
Another day of knowing of
The path I fear to tread
Oh into the sea of waking dreams
I follow without pride
Nothing stands between us here
And I won't be denied

And I would be the one
To hold you down
Kiss you so hard
I'll take your breath away
And after I
Wipe away the tears
Just close your eyes dear

I'll hold you down
Kiss you so hard
I'll take your breath away
And after I
Wipe away the tears
Just close your eyes

__________

And, of course, I'm going to promote my next e-book Breaking The Covenants, co-written with the charming Celina Summers.

Make sure to check out the website to find out all about it.

It's going to be a good day

2009-04-11T11:07:00.002-04:00

I had a lovely time last night talking to my angel. So did she.

So today's song is one by one of my favorite singers.

When I was a child
Running in the night
Afraid of what might be
Hiding in the dark
Hiding in the street
And of what was following me
Now hounds of love are hunting
I've always been a coward
And I don't know what's good for me
Here I go

It's coming for me thro' the trees
Help me someone, help me please
Take my shoes off and throw them in the lake.
And I'll be 2 steps on the water.

I found a fox caught by dogs
He let me take him in my hands
His little heart beats so fast
And I'm ashamed of running away,
From nothing real, I just can't deal with this
But I'm still afraid to be there,
Among your hounds of love.
And feel yours arms surround me
I've always been a coward
And never know what's good for me.

Here I go - Don't let me go - Hold me down
It's coming for me through the trees
Help me darling, help me please
Take my shoes off and throw them in the lake
And I'll be two steps on the water
I don't know what's good for me,
I don't know what's good for me,
I need love, love, love, love, yeah -
your love.

Take your shoes off and throw them in the lake,
Do you know what I really need
Do you know what I really need
I need love, love, love, love.

_________

And of course, I'll promote my next e-book. Breaking The Covenants, first book of The Vampire Covenants Trilogy, written with the lovely Celina Summers will be out in less than two weeks.

Don't forget to check out the website. It will fill you in on the world we've created for

Today's song

2009-04-10T09:33:00.002-04:00

What shall I post today? Hmmm.

I know, the closest thing I've got to a theme song.

Through the woodland, through the valley
Comes a horseman wild and free
Tilting at the windmills passing
Who can the brave young horseman be
He is wild but he is mellow
He is strong but he is weak
He is cruel but he is gentle
He is wise but he is meek
Reaching for his saddlebag
He takes a battered book into his hand
Standing like a prophet bold
He shouts across the ocean to the shore
Till he can shout no more

I have come oer moor and mountain
Like the hawk upon the wing
I was once a shining knight
Who was the guardian of a king
I have searched the whole world over
Looking for a place to sleep
I have seen the strong survive
And I have seen the lean grown weak

See the children of the earth
Who wake to find the table bare
See the gentry in the country
Riding off to take the air

Reaching for his saddlebag
He takes a rusty sword into his hand
Then striking up a knightly pose
He shouts across the ocean to the shore
Till he can shout no more

See the jailor with his key
Who locks away all trace of sin
See the judge upon the bench
Who tries the case as best he can
See the wise and wicked ones
Who feed upon lifes sacred fire
See the soldier with his gun
Who must be dead to be admired

See the man who tips the needle
See the man who buys and sells
See the man who puts the collar
On the ones who dare not tell
See the drunkard in the tavern
Stemming gold to make ends meet
See the youth in ghetto black
Condemned to life upon the street

Reaching for his saddlebag
He takes a tarnished cross into his hand
Then standing like a preacher now
He shouts across the ocean to the shore
Then in a blaze of tangled hooves
He gallops off across the dusty plain
In vain to search again
Where no one will hear

Through the woodland, through the valley
Comes a horseman wild and free
Tilting at the windmills passing
Who can the brave young horseman be
He is wild but he is mellow
He is strong but he is weak
He is cruel but he is gentle
He is wise but he is meek

__________

And, of course, I'm going to promote my next e-book, Breaking The Covenants, the first book in The Vampire Covenants Trilogy co-written with the wonderful Celina Summers. Just two weeks, people!

Check out the website to get a taste of it.

Well, damn.

2009-04-09T17:50:00.002-04:00

Such sad news.

Dave Arneson, one of the creators of Dungeons & Dragons, has passed away.

I can't count how many hours of enjoyment playing D&D and all the other RPGs that came into existence because of his work.

R.I.P. Dave.

Today's song

2009-04-09T10:55:00.002-04:00

I'm still a bit bummed about an event that happened in my life recently. It brings this song to mind.

Isn't it rich?
Are we a pair?
Me here at last on the ground,
You in mid-air.
Send in the clowns.

Isn't it bliss?
Don't you approve?
One who keeps tearing around,
One who can't move.
Where are the clowns?
Send in the clowns.

Just when I'd stopped
Opening doors,
Finally knowing
The one that I wanted was yours,
Making my entrance again
With my usual flair,
Sure of my lines,
No one is there.

Don't you love farce?
My fault, I fear.
I thought that you'd want what I want -
Sorry, my dear.
But where are the clowns?
There ought to be clowns.
Quick, send in the clowns.

Isn't it rich?
Isn't it queer?
Losing my timing this late
In my career?
And where are the clowns?
Quick, send in the clowns.
Don't bother - they're here.

__________

And of course, I'm going to remind every one that Breaking The Covenants, the first book in The Vampire Covenants Trilogy will be available in just a little over two weeks time. It's a great read and be sure to get a copy.

Don't forget to check the website to fill you in on the world in which the story takes place. You'll find it very interesting.

Today's song

2009-04-08T09:42:00.002-04:00

I'm in a bouncy mood so I think a little Blues is in order.

So let's give it up for Stevie Ray Vaughan!

Well you've heard about love givin' sight to the blind
My baby's lovin' cause the sun to shine
She's my sweet little thing, she's my pride and joy
She's my sweet little baby, I'm her little lover boy

Yeah I love my baby, heart and soul
Love like ours won't never grow old
She's my sweet little thing, she's my pride and joy
She's my sweet little baby, I'm her little lover boy

Yeah, I love my lady, she's long and lean
You mess with her, you'll see a man get mean
She's my sweet little thing, she's my pride and joy
She's my sweet little baby, I'm her little lover boy

Well I love my baby, like the finest wine
Stick with her until the end of time
She's my sweet little thing, she's my pride and joy
She's my sweet little baby, I'm her little lover boy

Yeah I love my baby, heart and soul
Love like ours won't never grow old
She's my sweet little thing, she's my pride and joy
She's my sweet little baby, I'm her little lover boy

__________

And of course I'm going to promote The Vampire Covenants Trilogy. Check out the the website to find out all about it.

What a great idea!

2009-04-07T20:30:00.002-04:00

Celina came up with a great ides to promote our Vampire Covenants Trilogy.

She created a website for it.

You can find it here. It looks great!

Thanks for everything, Celina.

Today's song

2009-04-07T08:44:00.004-04:00

So what shall I post today?

I know. A song from an old animated TV movie I loved.

You can find the lyrics here

And as long as I'm here don't forget that Breaking The Covenants will be out on April 24th. Here's the cover so you can drool over it like I do.

Today's song

2009-04-06T07:57:00.002-04:00

I'm getting to like starting the day off with music.

I was at the grocery store yesterday and this song was on the music system. It seemed appropriate considering certain recent events in my life.

Everyone knows the words to this one.

Today's song

2009-04-05T08:00:00.002-04:00

Since it's Sunday I feel rather spiritual. So that's what today's song is.

I've heard there was a secret chord
that David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, Do you?
It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth
The minor Fall, The major lift,
The baffled king composing, hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to a kitchen chair, she broke your throne
she cut your hair and from your lips she drew the halleujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Maybe I've been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
love is not a victory march
it's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

There was a time you let me know
What's real and going on below
but now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you
the holy ghost was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Maybe there's a God above
And all I ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
It's not a cry you can hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
it's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah…

Today's song

2009-04-04T10:44:00.002-04:00

I was at brunch the other day and this song came on their music system. I'd forgotten how much I liked it. I was bopping along to it.

So here it is for you to enjoy.

Copper sun sinking low
Scatterlings and fugitives
Hooded eyes and weary brows
Seek refuge in the night

They are the scatterlings of Africa
Each uprooted one
On the road to Phelamanga
Where the world began
I love the scatterlings of Africa
Each and every one
In their hearts a burning hunger
Beneath the copper sun

Ancient bones from Olduvai
Echoes of the very first cry
"Who made me here and why
Beneath the copper sun?"
African idea
African idea
Make the future clear
Make the future clear

They are the scatterlings of Africa
Each uprooted one
On the road to Phelamanga
Where the world began
I love the scatterlings of Africa
Each and every one
In their hearts a burning hunger
Beneath the copper sun

And we are the scatterlings of Africa
Both you and I
We are on the road to Phelamanga
Beneath a copper sky
And we are the scatterlings of Africa
On a journey to the stars
Far below, we leave forever
Dreams of what we were

__________

And as long as I'm here, let's not forget the next book book I wrote with Celina Summers. Less than three weeks, people! Don't forget to buy a copy. *grin*

Today's song

2009-04-03T10:44:00.004-04:00

It's a cold, windy and miserable day here. So I think a little beauty is in order.

And as long as I'm here, I'll mention that it's only three weeks until Breaking The Covenants is released. Here's the cover once again, just because I like it.

Today's song

2009-04-02T09:09:00.002-04:00

After a lovely conversation on the phone last night this is the song going through my head.

Note: Not work or child safe.

No embedding so watch it here.

You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you
You let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you
Help me I broke apart my insides, help me I’ve got no soul to sell
Help me the only thing that works for me, help me get away from myself

I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
My whole existence is flawed
You get me closer to god

You can have my isolation, you can have the hate that it brings
You can have my absence of faith, you can have my everything
Help me tear down my reason, help me its' your sex I can smell
Help me you make me perfect, help me become somebody else

I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
My whole existence is flawed
You get me closer to god

Through every forest, above the trees
Within my stomach, scraped off my knees
I drink the honey inside your hive
You are the reason I stay alive

Today's song

2009-04-01T08:10:00.003-04:00

An old, obscure piece of rock that catches my mood about a certain event in my life perfectly.

You're restless baby - the good is gone from your eyes
I've seen that look before but it's different this time
I wonder how long you've been living in this lie

I can't hold on girl
And I can't give up, no, no
I just can't turn and walk away

The night won't make it right, baby, not this time
I know there's nothing left that's gonna change your mind
We played the hard way as long as we could
But this time baby's gone for good

You're running scared, girl
You've lost what you once believed
Do you lie awake at night do you think about me?
Have you found somebody who can give you what you need?

But I can't stay here
It hurts so badly
But I can't just turn and walk away

The night won't make it right, baby, not this time
I know there's nothing left that's gonna change your mind
We played the hard way as long as we could
But this time baby's gone for good

Baby worries, baby bleeds
Baby must have what she sees
Was it so hard, couldn't you see me?

The night won't make it right baby not this time
I know there's nothing left that's gonna change your mind
We played the hard way but it took a little bit too long
But this time baby knows she's gone
This time baby knows she's gone
This time baby knows she's gone
So long

Today's song

2009-03-31T14:36:00.001-04:00

Emails from my angel bought this song mind.

No embedding so you'll have to follow the link.

We've got our cover!

2009-03-31T07:29:00.002-04:00

Celina and I have received the cover for Breaking The Covenants. I think it's gorgeous.

Much thanks to the art department of Aspen Mountain Press for their great work.

Music for today

2009-03-28T10:14:00.002-04:00

It sums up my mood pretty well.

I can't embed it so you'll have to follow this link.

The time for talking's over now,
I think it's time to let you go;
But I don't, no, I don't mind at all.

It's getting so you never know
When things are better left alone;
But I don't, no, I don't mind at all.

It's important to me
That I don't see you laughing at me.
But I'm smart enough to know
That I'll have to let you go.
But I don't mind at all.

Sentiments and tears will get you
As far as you might think they will;
But I don't, no, I don't mind at all.

Misery loves company,
But she will never fit the bill;
But I don't, no, I don't mind at all.

It's important to me
That I don't see you laughing at me.
But I'm smart enough to know
That I'll have to let you go.
But I don't mind at all.

Seven years ago,
I said good-bye to my own sanity;
But I don't, no, I don't, no, I don't mind at all.

Life goes on

2009-03-27T07:58:00.003-04:00

It's been an 'interesting' week.

Due to really childish behavior on my part I lost a good friend. I feel really lousy about it but there's not a damned thing I can do.

On the other hand, I helped another friend escape an abusive relationship. By constantly being there for her I gave her the confidence to tell their abuser, "Good bye and drop dead". I talked to her last night and she was doing very well. She's going to be fine.

And my edits are coming along well. I've managed to work past the fear that's a constant thing in my life and get to work. I'm keeping up.

What does this show? I'm only human. I do good things and bad things. I'm just going to have to try harder to do more of the former and less of the latter. I'll never be perfect but I'll do my best.

It's a strange world.

Edits are started

2009-03-26T14:30:00.003-04:00

Breaking The Covenants is now in edits.

Don't forget to get a copy when it comes out.

Back to work

2009-03-25T07:06:00.002-04:00

Okay, it's time to get back to work.

So I'll talk about my next release, Breaking The Covenants.

I'm really excited about this. It's been such a blast to write. It grew and grew and became more exciting, the characters more interesting with each passing day.

Here's the blurb.

__________

The German vampire Gunther von Wittersheim has a problem: he’s fallen in love with a mortal woman, the English beauty Lady Marguerite Giffard, and his greatest immortal enemy, the French Comte Alphonse de Brunel, knows about it. When de Brunel captures Marguerite and turns her into a vampire, Gunther must put aside his desire for revenge and help his beloved through the painful transition to immortality.

Vampires are bound by the Covenants, a code of law enforced by the mysterious Conclave of Elders. The couple is ordered by the powerful Elder of Paris to bring de Brunel to the Conclave to answer for trial. The lovers pursue their foe to St. Petersburg, where they are caught in a power struggle between factions of warring vampires. Can they find a way to capture Alphonse de Brunel before the factions go to war? Or will their love fall prey to the breaking of the Covenants?

____________

And let's not forget the wonderful trailer my co-author, Celina Summers created for it.

___________

__________

Get a copy when it comes out. You won't be sorry.

Today's song

2009-03-24T09:20:00.002-04:00

Still too little sleep, still too many dark thoughts.

So this song has been going through my mind.

I don't know where I'm going
I don't know where you are tonight
I don't know what I'm blowing
And I ain't feelin' all too right

But I'm hanging around
Yeah, I'm hanging around
You're hanging up the phone again
I'm hanging up this town, 'cause...

I want you and
I need you and
I'm bleeding and
I'll bleed a little while tonight

Well, I don't know much about you
Not more than a smile or two can say
And everything I've learned about you
I've learned through the pit of my stomach anyway

And I'd forget about you if I could dare but
I just want to make love to you in some dark, rainy street somewhere

I want you and
I need you and
I'm bleeding and
I'll bleed a little while tonight

I will hold this coin that
Reminds me of the time when
You nearly kissed me blind on Bathurst street it's true
But if you turn me down
I'll spin this coin around
And give it back to you, 'cause it's something I can't explain
And if it's all the same to you

Damn, damn the circumstance
Well, my heart is aching
Damn, damn the circumstance
And my room is spinning
Damn, damn the circumstance
It's grey without you in it
Damn, damn the circumstance
My bad luck's just beginning
Damn, damn the circumstance
Don't let me bleed again tonight

My mistakes are taunting me
And I'm hanging around in my old haunts
And I remember you telling me that
Alex never gets what she wants
But you've got someone
And it ain't me
I've got myself again but I just can't let this be

I want you and
I need you and
I'm bleeding and
I'll bleed a little while tonight

Another song

2009-03-23T22:02:00.002-04:00

From an old favorite movie. It suits my mood today.

Half asleep I hear a voice.
Is it only in my mind?
Or is it someone calling me,
someone I failed and left behind?

To work it out I let them in.
All the good guys and the bad guys that I've been.
All the devils that disturbed me,
and the angels that defeated them somehow,
come together in me now.

Face to face I greet the cast.
Set in silence we begin.
Companions in an empty room,
I taste their victory and sin.

To work it out I let them in.
All the good guys and the bad guys that I've been.
All the devils that disturbed me,
and the angels that defeated them somehow,
come together in me now.

A tale of beauty and the beast,
I defend my soul from those who would accuse me.
I share the famine and the feast.
I have been the world and felt it turning,
seen the jester yearning to amuse me

Like a circus on parade,
seldom close enough to see.
I wander through an angry crowd,
and wonder what became of me?

To work it out I let them in.
All the good guys and the bad guys that I've been.
All the devils that disturbed me,
and the angels that defeated them somehow,
come together in me now.

2009-03-23T02:43:00.002-04:00

Sigh. Awake at almost three in the morning. I don't believe I will be sleeping tonight either.

And I'm listening to this song over and over.

Chicago here I come!

2009-03-18T12:30:00.001-04:00

I'll be gone a few days. I'm partying with friends in Chicago.

I'm taking my equipment along, just in case. *evil grin*

Try not to die of envy while I'm gone.

I'm getting excited

2009-03-11T11:08:00.002-04:00

My next e-book, Breaking The Covenants is just a few weeks away from release.

Here's the blurb to fill you in on it.

__________

The German vampire Gunther von Wittersheim has a problem: he’s fallen in love with the English Lady Marguerite Giffard and his greatest immortal enemy knows about it. Alphonse de Brunel is also a vampire, and ruthless enough to use the human girl as a weapon against his foe. When de Brunel captures Marguerite and turns her into a vampire against her will, Gunther swears to destroy him.

But vampires are bound by the Covenants, a code of law enforced by the mysterious and most powerful of the vampire Elders. If Gunther kills de Brunel, the Conclave will destroy him. Marguerite must find a way to keep Gunther’s thirst for revenge from leading him to his death. When they pursue de Brunel to St. Petersburg, they find themselves caught up in a revolution that pits vampire against vampire. Can they find a way to capture de Brunel and return him to the Conclave before the violence in Russia sweeps them up? Or will they, too, fall prey to the breaking of the Covenants?

__________

And let's not forget the wonderful trailer my co-author, Celina Summers created. It catches the mood of the book wonderfully.

Make sure you get a copy when it's released on April 24th, 2009. It's a damned good read.

Sigh

2009-03-02T15:22:00.001-05:00

I have to start taking my meds again. My depression is back and I'd better start treating it ASAP.

Very excited

2009-02-25T08:39:00.002-05:00

My next book, Breaking The Covenants is proceeding apace.

Celina made a trailer for it. I've never had a trailer before. :)

Breaking The Covenants will be released April 24th from Aspen Mountain Press.

February blahs

2009-02-24T12:16:00.001-05:00

Still have me in their grip. But it's loosening.

Sigh

2009-02-13T10:09:00.002-05:00

I should post more often, but I've just not been in the mood.

My project with Celina is going okay. Not great but it's going.

I lost a few more books to another flood in my basement. Just a few, but still. I wish I could afford proper storage for them.

And I've got a bad case of winter blah's. Bears have the right idea. Sleeping until early April seems like a fine idea at the moment.

Oh well. Back to the real world.

Been too long

2009-02-05T11:51:00.003-05:00

Sorry.

But I've had a major case of the winter blahs.

Not much to report. The second book of The Vampire Covenants Trilogy, Warding The Covenants proceeds apace. Celina and I are a little over 50,000 words into it.

We should be receiving line edits for Breaking The Covenants soon. It will be released by Aspen Mountain Press on Friday, April 24, 2009. Yay!

That's it for now. Later.

Hooray!

2009-01-14T09:54:00.002-05:00

We got the contract for Breaking The Covenants.

I'm really excited about this. It's my first novel. And it's damned good.

Here's the blurb for it.

__________

The German vampire Gunther von Wittersheim has a problem: he’s fallen in love with the English Lady Marguerite Giffard and his greatest immortal enemy knows about it. Alphonse de Brunel is also a vampire, and ruthless enough to use the human girl as a weapon against his foe. When de Brunel captures Marguerite and turns her into a vampire against her will, Gunther swears to destroy him.

But vampires are bound by the Covenants, a code of law enforced by the mysterious and most powerful of the vampire Elders. If Gunther kills de Brunel, the Conclave will destroy him. Marguerite must find a way to keep Gunther’s thirst for revenge from leading him to his death. When they pursue de Brunel to St. Petersburg, they find themselves caught up in a revolution that pits vampire against vampire. Can they find a way to capture de Brunel and return him to the Conclave before the violence in Russia sweeps them up? Or will they, too, fall prey to the breaking of the Covenants?

__________

It's been a real slice working with my co-author, Celina Summers.

Just because I want to share the fun

2009-01-08T12:24:00.001-05:00

I found one of my all time fave music videos today.

Report on a play party

2009-01-06T09:18:00.002-05:00

I was at another play party on the weekend. It was interesting.

Unlike the other times I made more of an effort to interact with people. I spoke with a couple of quite delicious bottoms. One was done up as a 'naughty secretary' although I mis-indentified her as a 'naughty librarian' at first due to a particular fetish of mine.

I also talked with a rather nice couple about various things including the life.

The high point of the party, from a comedy point of view, was a couple of posers that showed up. The 'top' dressed like he was Anton LeVay or Darth Vader. His only equipment was a sad excuse for a single tail. *rolls eyes*

The low point was a bottom having a seizure of some sort.

About that time I ran out of courage and headed for home.

Over all it was a good night.

Happy New Year

2009-01-01T12:27:00.001-05:00

Here's wishing all my friends the very best in the New Year.

Despite what I've said earlier and elsewhere I do have a resolution for this year. To whit, I'm going to try and get my faith back

Twas a good Christmas

2008-12-29T08:36:00.003-05:00

I went to my folks on Christmas Eve. Spent the night there and went to my sister's with my parents on Christmas Day. All my siblings plus their kids showed up. Dinner was good and I spent the day eating, drinking, talking and trying to avoid tripping over semi-domesticated house apes. Boxing Day we all went to breakfast at a local hotel's restaurant and then I came home.

It was fun plus not too exciting which is always a plus in my opinion.

The gifts I got were few but good.

From my folks I got the book What Is America?: A Short History of the New World Order. I finished it in a day. It's an excursion into the history of the U.S.A. and how its past has made it the confusing country it seems to the rest of the world. The most fascinating, and sickening, part is how the European portion of the US performed ethnic cleansing on the people already here. I use that word in exactly the meaning you think. I also got a little money from them.

My oldest brother and his SO gave me a copy of The Hebredene Journals, a book his SO wrote.

My other brother and his family gave me a $50 gift card for one of the local grocery chains. That should keep me in food for at least a week.

Yesterday I went and bought some new equipment for one of my favorite activities. I got some containers to keep loose accouterments in, some latex gloves and a couple of D-rings for my cuffs. I also got a couple of new floggers and a paratrooper's bag to carry all my stuff around.

It was a good Christmas.

Despite…

2008-12-24T08:50:00.000-05:00

My grumpy mood I'll take this moment to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

I'm not quite…

2008-12-22T08:35:00.001-05:00

At the point of saying, "Bah! Humbug!" But I'm close.

For some reason I am just not in the Christmas spirit this year.

A little music…

2008-12-17T09:52:00.000-05:00

For the few people who read my blog. ;)

Enjoy.

Time to do an update

2008-12-13T07:44:00.002-05:00

Well, Breaking The Covenants went out to several beta readers and the feedback was positive. I'd say we have a winner.

I did have to rewrite my opening scene. Well, I didn't have to but Celina thought it would be a good idea. She was right. I was winging it the first time and didn't have a clear idea of Gunther's character. This time turned out much better.

We've submitted a partial to the publisher that suggested the project, Aspen Mountain Press. I'm pretty sure we'll get a contract out of it.

That's it for now. I'll try to post on a more regular basis.

Edits are started

2008-12-05T09:36:00.002-05:00

For Breaking The Covenants.

We've got a request for a partial and I'm pretty sure we'll get a contract from it.

Going to be a busy weekend though.

Finished!

2008-11-30T08:20:00.002-05:00

The first draft for Breaking The Covenants is finished. 115K words.

Now come the polishing.

I really like how Celina set up for the next one.

For a friend

2008-11-28T17:34:00.002-05:00

My co-author for Breaking The Covenants, Celina Summers has a new release today.

The title is The Temptation of Asphodel and it's the third in a series of four books she's turning out.

Get a copy. It's good.

Update

2008-11-27T06:26:00.002-05:00

Somehow I managed to pound out 2,300 words on Breaking The Covenants yesterday. I'm pretty pleased with that.

I'm figuring that including what my co-author wrote the book is 110,000 words now. Yay! The end (of the first draft) is in sight.

I don't have anything planned for that today so I think I'll work on my menage erotic romance I'm calling Among The Stacks as one of the characters is a rather repressed librarian. Not to worry. She's anything but repressed by the end of it.

New review

2008-11-25T12:53:00.001-05:00

For In The Dark.

Desiree at Enchanting Reviews just loved it.

Yay me.

5:30 in the morning

2008-11-24T05:37:00.002-05:00

And I've got nothing better to do but post on my blog.

Well, okay, I do have better things to do but I'm procrastinating about those things.

Not a good weekend. My sleep's been awful. As you can probably guess from the time I'm posting. Part of it was dealing with a personal emotional crisis. That's done now, for the most part

The other is that I'm really intimidated by the scene I have to write for Breaking The Covenants. It's big! Not in word count, though I'm betting this scene will be between four and five thousand words in length. It's the number of characters in it. I'm used to more intimate scenes. I've never had more than four or five characters in a single scene before. This time there will be four or five times that many. So I have to do a lot to make sure each is individual and each is unique.

That's a big order.

Still, I'll get it done. I'm good at that.

Word count on Breaking The Covenants currently stands at a little under 103,000 words. *grin*

A quick report

2008-11-19T06:46:00.002-05:00

My latest writing project, Breaking The Covenants continues apace.

As of this morning it stands at about 96,000 words.

Yay me.

Tsk

2008-11-14T06:06:00.002-05:00

Been way too long since I posted something here.

Not a lot to report though.

My latest writing project continues apace.

And Saturday I get to go out drinking with some of my favorite people in the world. One in particular. Although I'm way too much of a coward to put the moves on her.

That's all. Carry on.

On Proposition 8

2008-11-05T22:07:00.002-05:00

I know it shouldn't concern me since I live thousands of miles away from California, but it does.

But Proposition 8, the amendment to the California State Constitution that now claims that marriage can only be between a man and a woman is just wrong. A friend of mine had a horrible time trying to explain to her children why they can't be considered a family anymore.

As some one I know said a few months ago, "It's love. And it's a gift. Why quibble about the wrapping?"

Worried

2008-11-04T10:42:00.002-05:00

Being rather a bit of a political junky I've been following the U.S. Election very closely. And I'll confess to being very worried about it.

There has been such extreme anger on the part of the people who label themselves 'conservatives'. Although I regard them as revolutionaries. They may talk a lot about freedom and the rule of law but their intention, in my opinion, is to toss those things out the window and replace it with a strict authoritarian system where no one takes a shit without the say so of those in charge.

This, of course, won't apply to themselves. It never does to such people.

So this election has me worried. If Obama wins, as looks most probable, these revolutionaries will probably decide that the system has failed them. That makes it likely that they will decide that violence is the only route remaining to them, that what they believe must be imposed on America as it is now obvious to them that Americans aren't smart enough to make the correct choice.

As bad, maybe worse, is if McCain wins. This will radicalize many of the people in the centre, or the left as it's known in America. McCain winning will sharpen the divisions that plague the States. These divisions may become too sharp and too wide for America to remain a valid political entity.

"A house divided against itself cannot stand," as Abraham Lincoln put it.

We're living in interesting times. Unfortunately.

Things are good

2008-11-02T11:13:00.003-05:00

I seem to have, for the moment, rediscovered useful sleeping habits. It's so nice not wandering around in a haze of fatigue.

The project I'm working on with Celina Summers is proceeding apace. The story has gone places I've never expected, probably because we're both pansters. But we have the plot firmed up. And we've decided that it is the first book of a trilogy.

The title of the first book is going to be Breaking The Covenants. This is because the background of the story centers around the covenants that vampires live by, and the consequences of breaking them.

It's a great story and I'm very flattered that Celina agreed to work with me.

Well, that was interesting

2008-10-31T13:01:00.003-04:00

I realized this morning that I no longer have any interest in being in a relationship.

Or rather, I've put such an event in the same category as winning the lottery. It's not going to happen and I'm not going to waste time, money or emotional energy on it.

Interesting.

I love it

2008-10-28T22:33:00.002-04:00

When people say nice things about my work. Especially when they are people I like or admire.

Last night I was doing an author's chat with my co-author, Celina Summers.

She had just read my latest e-book, Gillian's Place. She said it was one of the five best books she read this year.

That made me feel good.

Another update

2008-10-25T08:40:00.002-04:00

I'm really digging my new project. My fellow author at Aspen Mountain Press, Celina Summers and I are working on a historical vampire novel. I'm writing the hero's parts and Celina is doing the heroine's.

It's a real challenge. Partly because it's hard to keep up with Celina, she's a writing machine.

It's also a challenge because I'm pushing my boundaries. The hero is type I've avoided, a real alpha male. And the work will be a novel in length, another thing I've never done before.

I'm very much enjoying being excited about what I'm working on. It's been a while.

Update

2008-10-19T08:00:00.002-04:00

Things seem to be turning around.

I've gotten back into the habit of sleeping all night. Damn, that's nice.

And my new writing project is coming along nicely. It's hard keeping up with my co-author though. She's a bleeding writing machine. *wink*

Life's good.

Update

2008-10-15T08:16:00.003-04:00

Monday was Turkey Day here in Canada. Had a great time at my sister's. Ate, drank and talked. Some of my favorite things.

We had an election yesterday. The outcome wasn't a surprise. Thanks to gerrymandering, attack ads and a rather unethical use of taxpayer's money the neo-Marxists, sorry, Conservatives, improved their position. At least they've still got a minority.

The pliable party, I mean the Liberals, kinda took it in the balls. Not surprising. The guy leading them is a nice guy and very smart but a piss poor leader.

The silver spoon socialists, I mean the NDP, improved their standing. Unfortunately they don't represent the blue collar workers and farmers that they used to. In some ways it's not surprising as there's a lot less of those people in Canada than there used to be. But somebody has to be concerned about the lives of those folk that are involved with physical labor. Everybody else depends on them.

Ah well. C'est la vie.

On the positive side I've started a new writing project. I'm working with another author at one of my e-publishers on a historical vampire novel (we hope) set in 1788 London. I'm writing the hero's part and she's doing the heroine's. I was very flattered when she insisted that I be her co-author. She's a very good and prolific writer. I hope I'll be able to hold up my end of the bargain.

That's it. Have a good one.

Sigh

2008-10-07T10:22:00.001-04:00

I do believe it's time to go back to the doctor.

I cannot seem to get my sleeping habits under control and neither can I seem to chase away the dark funk I'm in these days.

Crap.

Yay me!

2008-10-05T12:42:00.001-04:00

My latest e-book, Gillian's Place, has been nominated for Best Contemporary / Suspense Erotic Romance - Fall 2008 at Night Owl Romance.

If you're so inclined you can vote for it here.

Sigh

2008-10-03T06:35:00.001-04:00

Insomnia strikes again.

Today's going to be a long day of peering through a mask of fatigue and trying to nap.

Sigh.

Please help

2008-09-29T12:14:00.002-04:00

I visit a site every day. It's to help fight breast cancer. If you click on a certain link the site counts that click. After a certain number are reached one of the site's sponsors pays for a mammogram for someone who needs one.

They're doing a drive this month. If they collect 10 million clicks an extra 100 mammograms will be provided.

The click count is falling short. So I thought I'd provide the link here so all the people at JAPM can help out.

Here's the link.

Thanks everyone.

Been too long

2008-09-28T09:20:00.002-04:00

Sorry, been caught up in the drama of my life.

Not much to report. I'll be going to another play party next week. Should be fun.

Especially if that tasty Dungeon Monitor is there again.

Have a great day, every one.

Sigh

2008-09-23T12:10:00.002-04:00

I'm feeling awfully alone these days.

I don't know why but all my friends seem to be drifting away. Or maybe I'm drifting away from them.

Life's such a bitch sometimes.

This was cool

2008-09-20T17:10:00.002-04:00

An interview with my vampires, George Belleveau and Diane Patterson.

Also I found a photo recently that is pretty much exactly how I imagine Diane to look.

A few years older and not quite as Goth, but her hair color, face and body are spot on.

This is disheartening

2008-09-16T20:00:00.002-04:00

It turns out the truth may not set you free.

Sad, but I've known this for years.

There's a book I read many years ago, Snapping: America's Epidemic of Sudden Personality Change. In it the authors posited a very interesting hypothesis, information disease.

I wrote an an essay on it a couple of years ago.

It could be said everyone suffers from information disease in some form. There's simply too much information in existence and we haven't the time to go through it all. And information disease is hard to treat.

Still, as the Washington Post article pointed out, the truth isn't completely without effect.

We should be aware that it isn't the cure all we believe it to be.

Sigh

2008-09-16T13:14:00.001-04:00

Anyone want a badly abused soul, cheap?

I'm willing to sell mine for a few nights of decent sleep.

Glarg!

2008-09-15T17:03:00.004-04:00

That about sums it up.

I can't remember the last time I got a decent night's sleep.

Last night I went to bed early. Two minutes after that one of my roommates comes home. I suspect the man is deaf as moving from point A to point B causes him to make noise only slightly less than that of a brass band.

Then the tail end of Hurricane Ike hit Toronto. High winds and heavy rain for a couple of hours. About half way through there was a horrendous 'crash!' nearby. That gave me such an adrenaline rush that I was wide awake until about three this morning.

My body refused to sleep past 7:30. When I went to the kitchen I found out what made the crash. My neighbor's tree had come down, taking out a fence in my back yard and nearly hitting our house.

I'd love to take a nap but there's a work crew using power saws to remove said tree.

Oi vay iz mir. I'm beat.

One of my favorite stories

2008-09-14T08:13:00.003-04:00

And a little insight into how I think.

__________

Many years ago there was an old samurai who had decided to retire to become a priest.

But before he could do so he had to determine which of his three sons received the family sword.

So, after thinking a bit, he decided to test them. He went to a room in their home and placed a small wooden block on top of the shoji, the sliding door to the room. When the door was opened the block would fall and hit the person in it.

Then he called his youngest son to him.

The youngest son was a swordsman. He spent every available minute practicing with it. He was sharp, fast and deadly.

He came to the door and opened it. The block fell and struck him. He had his sword out and sliced the block in two before it hit the ground.

The old man stood up in a rage. "Get out of this house!" he shouted. "You are disowned! You do not understand what it means to be samurai and you never will."

Replacing the block the old man called his middle son to him.

This son spent a great deal of time studying the way of the sword. But there were other things he studied as well. They weren't his main point of interest though.

This son came to the door and opened it. The block fell and struck him. He caught it before it hit the ground.

Bowing to his son the old man said, "I am sorry, but you cannot receive the family sword. You do not yet understand what it means to be samurai. But I can see that one day you will."

Resetting his trap the old man had his oldest son come to meet him.

This son studied the sword, but it was just one of many things he studied. He wasn't a poor swordsman. It was just one of his many interests.

He came to the door, started to slide it open. He stopped then to reach up and pull down the wooden block. Entering the room he closed the door and replaced the block. Bowing to his father he asked, "Father? You wished to speak to me?"

"Yes," replied his father. "I have made my decision. You are the one who will receive the family sword as you are the one who most understands what it means to be samurai."

__________

Here's my interpretation of this story.

The sword represents power and the old man had to determine which of his sons received that power, and the responsibility that goes along with it.

The youngest son failed because he didn't have the awareness or the restraint required to use the power responsibly. He did not see the trap. And he reacted without restraint. There was no need to use his sword but he did.

For this lack of awareness and restraint his father cut him off from all power.

The middle son failed because he didn't have the awareness to receive the power. He did react with restraint though.

So his father didn't give him power, but also didn't cut off his access to it. There was a strong possibility the middle son would learn enough awareness to be worthy of power in the future.

The oldest son succeeded because he was the only one aware enough to avoid the trap. By being aware he removed the need to use his power at all. He acted rather than reacted.

This is why the old man gave him the family sword, the power. He was the one least likely to use that power. The eldest son was wise enough, aware enough, that he didn't need power.

There you go. One of my favorite stories, and how I think about it. It forms a major part of my beliefs and actions.

Have a great day, every one.

Sigh

2008-09-13T06:55:00.000-04:00

My insomnia is at it again.

That was interesting

2008-09-07T09:39:00.003-04:00

Well, my little expedition to my first play party was a success.

Finding the place was a bit tricky. Firstly because I mis-remembered the directions they provided and went about a kilometer in the wrong direction before I had enough sense to pull out the map I bought with me. Once I found the right street, I headed down it to discover that I was still kind of lost. Arriving at the right spot there wasn't anything but a drive way.

At that point I spotted some people getting out of a car who were obviously in the life so I followed them. It turned out the venue was tucked away in the back of a commercial complex. I'm not sure if I would have found it if it weren't for the people I followed.

There was a reception area where I gave my invitation number and had to sign a waiver. Left my equipment bag there as well.

The venue itself is a photography studio. A large one but still smaller that I expected. The main floor was primarily taken up with the shooting space which comprised about two thirds of the area and the rest was taken up by the kitchen, bathroom and change room with seats along one wall.

There was an upper level, a balcony above the kitchen. I spent a lot of time here as it had a good view of the main floor and I love watching.

There were seven stations set up; a couple of what I call 'A-frames', a St. Andrews Cross and the rest were spanking benches of one type or another.

My first sight on entering was a lovely set of tits that one very obvious sub had on display. I thought that a good omen.

When I arrived there were about twenty people there, some dressed pretty vanilla, some, like the aforementioned sub already for play. I got a cola then wandered around, checking the place out. I finished my recon upstairs.

It turns out there were two more stations upstairs. I found out why later.

More people arrived and then the first scene started at one of the 'A-frames'. This was an obvious couple; her dressed in a very sexy lingerie ensemble, him in simple black. He chained her wrists to the frame and started to smack her with various floggers. His skill was good, he varied his work in strength, rhythm and area, interspersed with caresses of her intimate areas. She was flying by the time he was done about forty minutes later. They shared a very sweet rapport.

That got the ball rolling and the other stations began to fill up. Among the more memorable scenes was a couple of dommes playing with a zaftig young woman in a school girl's uniform. There was another couple who I could tell were close. He led her around on a leash all night. She wore an outfit that was could be ripped and it was very nicely ripped by the time they were done.

One of the doms was in demand for his skill with whips and floggers. I saw him play with several subs of both sexes. I watched his scenes for pointers. Another had a huge selection of rattan canes that he used very well. The young lady he used them on was grinning in a drunken manner when he finally let her down.

It turned out that the upstairs stations were for more extreme scenes. I didn't pay close attention, not my cup of tea. Of the scenes I caught glimpses of there was one dom performing cock torture on his sub and a woman doing something with needles to a femme.

I circulated a fair bit, talked to a few people. One of the Dungeon Monitors really caught my eye. Rather tall with raven hair, she had on a rather dishabille school girls outfit that didn't quite cross the line to outright slutty. Delicious.

I didn't do any playing. I didn't get any offers and didn't know anyone well enough to offer myself.

I left a little before one. I wanted to stay but I'd had a very long day so had to leave.

Still it was a most interesting evening. I'll be going again next month.

Oops.

2008-09-05T14:38:00.003-04:00

It's been a week since I last posted anything. Sorry.

Actually things have been good. I've actually typed Fin on a first draft. That's the first time since early May. That feels good. My critique partners like it too.

I'll finish polishing and submitting it to Literotica today.

Tomorrow night is a play party, the first time I've ever been to one.

I'm ready. I did some shopping for equipment last Friday and today.

Last Friday I got a good pair of leather cuffs and a very nice wire crop.

Today was peripheral stuff, black t-shirts (I do want the right ambiance), some salve for sore spots, tissues for wiping tears and wet towelettes for cleaning welts and that. Also clothespins. You can guess what those are for.

While I was at the hardware store getting the clothespins I discovered they were right next to the chain dispensers. Needless to say that gave me ideas. I'm not sure if I'm going to go with the gold covered or the thin with somewhat sharp edges.

Oh well. Plenty of time to decide.

Life's good.

Argh!

2008-08-27T10:52:00.001-04:00

Awake at four in the morning Sunday.

Awake at four in the morning Monday.

Awake at three in the morning last night.

I think fucking exhausted is the correct way to describe how I feel at the moment.

A little political philosophy today

2008-08-25T10:02:00.004-04:00

All the forums I hang out at seem to have at least one thread on the nature of good and evil. So I'll post a bunch of aphorisms I keep close to my heart on this subject.

__________

What you resist, you become. - Old Taoist saying.

__________

Beware when you battle monsters,
lest you become a monster.
And as you gaze into the abyss,
the abyss gazes also,
into you.

Friedrich Nietzsche.

__________

To be angered by evil is to partake of it, stupid. - Matthewson's 23rd Edict, from The Book of Universal Truths and Other Humorous Anecdotes.

That is all. Carry on.

Sigh

2008-08-24T13:00:00.002-04:00

Decided to start raining and hard. There goes this afternoon's yard work. It's hard to get caught up.

So I'll write.

I've got three works I'm wandering between. A BDSM story entitled Bound In Roses, a romance I'm calling Sheena From Tallahassee and a menage romance with the tentative title of Among The Stacks.

That should keep me busy.

A new review

2008-08-23T15:26:00.002-04:00

For my latest e-book, Gillian's Place

WitchGiggles at An Alternative Read just loved it. She had wonderful things to say about my work.

That really made my day. *grin*

When forums go bad

2008-08-21T14:37:00.003-04:00

I spend a lot of time on the internet. And I've a few places I like to hang. Forums of one type or another.

One, that I've been at for years, seems to be rotting from the inside. The atmosphere is rapidly becoming venomous.

I'm not sure why. A lot of it, I think, is because is because of the U.S. election. We like to discuss politics there and, well, some people are really not nice about it. A semantic analysis of some of the posters comments would be, "McCain rules! Obama drools! Liberals must die! Die! DIE! DIE!"

There are a few people on the left side of the spectrum who are almost as bad. Their contempt for differences of opinion is high.

That contempt seems to be permeating every other thread as well. Because of it we've had two major blowups in the last month which has strained things horribly. Today one of the long time members, a person I really liked, has left forever. Deleted their account and they're gone. Sigh.

I hate when people let themselves fall prey to emotions like anger and hatred. It accomplishes so little and does so much damage.

Myself, I think every forum should have moderators. Like bouncers in a bar they can keep things from getting out of hand and ban those people who aren't willing to play nice. Some might argue that this is an interference of freedom of speech, but I don't see where this freedom allows a person to be a nasty asshole.

My $0.02.

Hooray for me!

2008-08-18T19:44:00.001-04:00

I really do seem to have shaken off the blues.

I got nearly 1,300 words of writing done today. Yay!

I'm quite pleased with myself.

Much better

2008-08-17T15:55:00.003-04:00

I'm doing a lot better since my last post.

It was my dad's birthday yesterday. So I ended up at my sister's place for the party.

I had a great time. Got to meet a couple of members of my family who I hadn't seen for several years. Did the things all the members of my family love to do; talk, eat and drink.

It was fun watching the antics of my niece and nephews as well.

So I did good despite the fact that I got no sleep at all Friday night.

It turned out my brother and his family were staying overnight so at the point where I had been up for forty hours I said 'Good night' to every one and crashed. Slept for nine hours and woke feeling well rested.

I got a quiet hour to myself before others started to rise. Then coffee, talking, a big brunch and then finally home.

I'm feeling much better than I did at 2 AM on Friday night. :)

So…

2008-08-16T02:08:00.003-04:00

Two in the morning and I'm wide awake. I wish I could sleep but I can't.

The main reason I'm up is grief. I've lost a number of things this year.

I've lost a close friendship. I'm not sure why, but we've drifted apart. It hurts. I want to accept it and move on, but I can't.

I've lost a lot of confidence in myself. The main reason is because of a trip I took earlier this year. I took a similar trip in 2007. And I had a wonderful time. I went back this year hoping it would happen again.

Nope. It was high school all over again. I got to spend most of the time watching everyone else have a good time. There were a couple of incidents that ripped great bleeding holes in my self esteem. One involving the friend I mentioned. I thought it was a good thing. They thought otherwise and I didn't realize it until later.

That did wonders for my self worth.

And my latest e-book was the coup de grace. It was a year overdue. I got edits in only bits and pieces. The whole thing reminded me of the last time I worked, when the work I did had nothing whatsoever to do with the success of the project. I hate being used and that's how I felt, used.

So one of the things I feel best about, my ability to write, has been damaged. I now no longer belief whether I'm good at something matters.

Crap. I hate how this world works.

A sign…

2008-08-15T13:29:00.002-04:00

Of how small and quiet my life is.

Our landlord delivered a new lawnmower today, a working lawnmower. And I'm ecstatic.

It's my job to look after the outside and the piece of crap I had to use made it near impossible. It took forever too.

Now the lawns done, nicely, and I still had enough energy left over to do the trimming as well.

I like how uncomplicated my life is. And how little it takes to make me happy.

Just to make sure…

2008-08-13T10:50:00.002-04:00

I post today here's an update on my life.

I finished the second chapter of my first novel last night. Tentatively titled Among The Stacks it's a menage romance featuring a librarian, a writer and a professor of English Literature. Just to show that being intellectual doesn't mean you can't have fun.

I'll try to get some more yard work done. With only a set of clippers and the fact that nothing's been done for months means the best I can do is make a large dent in it. If it doesn't rain, again.

I'll be doing promo over at Brenda Williamson's Romance Party group on Yahoo today. It's the third anniversary of her loop and is throwing a big to-do to celebrate.

One of my publishers, Aspen Mountain Press, is having a publisher's day at the Literary Nymphs Yahoo group so I'll be posting there as well.

Now if the guy using the floor sander on the first floor would just finish up so I could have some quiet.

A thought…

2008-08-12T09:42:00.003-04:00

Generated by that horrible kerfuffle now taking place in Georgia.

When you do battle, even if you are winning, if you continue a long time it will dull your forces and blunt your edge; if you besiege a citadel, your strength will be exhausted. If you keep your armies out in the field a long time, your supplies will be insufficient.

When your forces are dulled, your edge is blunted, your strength is exhausted, and your supplies are gone, then others will take advantage of your debility and rise up. Then even if you have wise advisors you cannot make things turn out well in the end.

Therefore I have heard of military operations that were clumsy and swift, but I have never seen one that lasted a long time. It is never beneficial to a nation to have a military operation continue for a long time.

Therefore, those who are not thoroughly aware of the disadvantages of the use of arms cannot be thoroughly aware of the advantages of the use of arms.

Sun Tzu - The Art Of War, Chapter 2: Doing Battle

My opinion is that the West, especially the U.S., have been caught by just the circumstances Sun Tzu spoke of here. By wasting time and energy is a place unrelated to their true strategic interests, i.e. Iraq, they have exhausted themselves and made it very difficult to act in crises. Even one's as minor as this.

So sad. A general 2,400 years ago laid out all the basic principals of warfare. And we still do not use them.

My $0.02. Carry on.

A little political philosophy today

2008-08-11T10:07:00.002-04:00

And I'm going to talk about what I regard as one of the most successful rebrandings in modern history. That of libertarianism.

Now, from what I've seen, libertarians mostly seem to be against any form of social power. They especially hate governments, which they frequently conflate as 'socialism'. They're not fond of corporations or any other sort of group dynamic. "I do what I want, when I want and no one can say otherwise" seems to be the thrust of libertarians.

So, to me, they sound a lot like anarchists.

But, let's face it, anarchism has a bad rep. An anarchist isn't thought well of by most people. Organizations really don't like anarchists as anarchy is a danger to their power.

So, libertarianism was born.

By separating themselves from anarchy, the libertarians lost that negative cachet attached to anarchy.

Most importantly by using the word liberty in their label the libertarians automatically place any dissent from their views firmly on the side of evil. To oppose them is to oppose the very concept of liberty, freedom.

I don't care much for their philosophy whether it's called anarchy or libertarianism. Either promises a vicious world where only the nastiest sort of people can thrive, or even survive.

But the rebranding was a brilliant move.

My $0.02. Carry on.

I'm hoping…

2008-08-09T09:52:00.002-04:00

To have the energy to make today a busy day.

Want to make a big dent in the yard work.

Must go to hardware store. I've found that CFLs and dimmer switches don't like one another so rather than saving money I'm spending more when the CFLs burn out even faster than incandescents.

While I'm there I think I'll pick up the paint stick I was talking about. And some rope and safety shears. ;)

Wish me luck.

Insomnia sucks

2008-08-08T07:25:00.002-04:00

Sigh. I've been up since 3:30. And got to bed late.

A low pressure front moved in and those make me jumpy.

Plus I was at a BDSM workshop last night. The host taught those who attended rope work. Plus he showed off his equipment. I got a lot of interesting for things that are available at your local hardware store. For example a plastic paint stick (about a buck) makes a very nice slapper. *evil grin*

He also had an electric fly swatter that gave a nice, stinging jolt. Five bucks, tops.

I think I'll be making a trip to a hardware store today.

Hmmm.

2008-08-07T15:59:00.004-04:00

I wonder why it is that every day around four o'clock my internet connection slows down, sometimes a lot.

I've got DSL, which means my data from a phone line. But my ISP in not the phone company.

Are these two facts related or is my incipient paranoia acting up again? ;)

Once again…

2008-08-06T13:04:00.002-04:00

I have to clean up after a roommate.

One of my roommates was evicted last week. I heard him grumbling about it. He had no idea why.

Perhaps the endless stream of crack heads, petty thugs and street people coming in had something to do with it?

Anyway, he loved to cook. But hated cleaning up after himself.

So I'm off to clean the kitchen.

Damn it!

I'm going to take a big step

2008-08-04T09:30:00.002-04:00

I've been writing and researching BDSM for a couple of years now. Thanks to all this I've discovered I'm very dominant.

I wasn't always happy with that. Like the narrator in my story Discovery I was afraid that allowing that facet of me to the surface would make me like the people I grew up hating; bullies, irresponsible authority figures and that sort of person. And there's still a bit of that 'BDSM is sick' idea still inside me.

But I'm even less happy at hiding the person I really am. And when I'm writing BDSM I really enjoy it.

So, next month I'm going to a play party. I'm hoping to let out my dominant side with people who can support me as I start down this new path.

I bought some equipment a few months ago; a blindfold, a flogger and some really serious nipple clamps. Before I go to the party I'm getting a proper crop and some good cuffs. I need a back T-shirt as well.

This should be interesting.

First review

2008-07-31T10:14:00.001-04:00

For my latest e-book, Gillian's Place.

And Diana at Night Owl Romance says it's a keeper!

That should keep my heart light for a while.

The weather…

2008-07-30T11:08:00.001-04:00

Bites today.

That's all. Carry on.